It was a bright and sunny afternoon. My
excursion home was so mundane (nearly as mundane as the beginning of this post) I could dodge every pothole, bump and stray dog
that materialised in my path like an automaton.
Yet, the banality of this afternoon’s drive
was to be disrupted.
On approaching the usual traffic-light
moderated intersection, I was overtaken by an individual driving a bronze automobile
on the left side of the roadway with opposing traffic ways. In Trinidad, we
drive on the left side of the road, so by law, we are expected to overtake
(especially on a single roadway, with opposing traffic ways) on the right side.
The unperturbed driver brought his car to a stop in front of mine placing my
car and myself in mild danger.
I shook my fist and scowled menacingly at
the aforementioned douchebag with the fatalistic anticipation that he could see
my discontent by glancing in his rear-view mirror.
However, whilst glaring at this inconsiderate
cretin, I became aware of a protrusion from his driver’s side window. The red,
white and black object was unmistakable: a miniature of our national flag, a
$10 relic from Trinidad and Tobago’s independence celebration just a few weeks
ago.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or be
disgusted. What a conundrum.
This man, this flag, represented a person
who feels proud of his country’s accomplishment of 50 years of (arguable) independence but in the same breath
paradoxically showed flagrant disregard for the country’s basic traffic laws!
It made me think of all those other displays
of red, white and black all over the country that flaunt patriotism, yet how
many act on it? Those who bawl repeatedly, “Sweet, sweet TnT!" And then toss
their garbage on the roadsides, curse their neighbours and chop up their
children. No concern for the people who make up this country, but they just
love being a Trini. Maybe being a good Trini to some people means being a
self-absorbed cur.
Anyway, it got me to thinking of all the
bad drivers I’ve seen in this country, and a distinct pattern emerged.
Apart from pseudo-patriots, bad drivers have
a propensity to be pious. I have been intercepted and bombarded too many times
with vinyl decal bible scripture, prayer hands and self-proclaimed absolution.
Three hypotheses could be derived from this
observation:
- that the abominable automobilist truly is blessed, therefore he is granted the liberty to drive how he pleases, with reverent disregard of all other creations of God, as he is superior to us all. The decals are after all angel-enforced, so he can fly if he needs to;
- that because the motorist is so exalted that even if he drives parsimoniously, not only would he survive, but we would too;
- that God is sending me a message. I am not worthy to be called Christian, or human for that matter since I stole five Reese’s chocolates while on my diet and pretended it never happened so this prayer on someone else’s rear window is the last thing I must say before I die.
At any rate, I really wish the bible would
have some print against being a douchey driver rather than the douchey driver
having bible print on his vehicle.
Then there are the famed “Baby on Board”
stickers on random car windows, letting us know that we need to drive
cautiously around baby. If we didn’t see that sticker how else would we know
that is not okay to ram our vehicles into yours?
Unless we are supposed to drive safely all
the time, because all life is valuable and easily forfeit? I dunno, maybe?
But then, if there is a baby in your car,
and I am expected to tread carefully around baby, why precisely are you driving
like a jackass? Why are you bobbing and weaving through traffic, breaking
traffic lights and driving way past the speed limit? Did baby take a rather
large dump in your car, thereby ruining your leather seats and temporarily
mitigating your concern for baby’s safety?
And then you’re the ones in charge of our
future generations.
Even if your child survives your reckless
driving, he/she will still have the misfortune of being parented by an
imprudent jackass.
This pattern appears warranted: bad drivers
are indeed wolves in sheep’s clothing. So God bless you, you patriotic
chauffeur of babies.