Almost everybody who knows me knows that I
am a feminist. Yet not a lot of people know what a feminist actually is. The
average person envisions a feminist as a female Sasquatch likely to obliterate
anything that looks like it owns a penis walking by. People are also likely to
assume that these women are the products of neglectful and abusive fathers;
that they were dumped by some man and have since then turned to other women to
satisfy their needs or that they are so ugly all they have got left in the world
is to hate on the men who will never love them.
Anyway, I don’t imagine myself to be any of
the above (though I refuse to negate or confirm my hideousness). I own a razor,
I love my father and my relationship status is none of your business.
While calling myself a feminist, I mean
that I believe in equal rights for all, regardless of gender or sexual
orientation. The feminist mentioned in the former is associated with radical
feminism (but even then it is never a good idea to stereotype). Radical feminists
are much more popular because quite frankly nobody is interested in learning
about us peaceful hippies; they’re more interested in the crazed knife wielding
Lorena Bobbitts in the news. Everybody loves a good horror story after all.
Even though I am not as angry as a radical
feminist, there are things that do in fact make me angry.
Easily I point to this Internet meme
floating around in cyberspace.
The photo portrays a woman standing in the
kitchen bereft of any attire save for a white thong undergarment while holding
some sort of indiscernible kitchen utensil. The words that hover to the side of
the photo so as to not obstruct the view of the lady’s bounteous boomcie read:
“A real woman never lets her man leave the house hungry or horny.”
As the photo floats around, being
propagated and affirmed, I cannot help but feel the message conveyed in the
image particularly disturbing (and I am not talking about her bare ta-tas being
exposed to the stove’s fire).
The meme lucidly asserts that in order for
a woman to be ‘real’ she must cook a meal for her man while simultaneously
providing for his raging libido. Okay, that statement might be as amplified as
her buttocks - she may not have to do it at the same time… but still. She has
to submit to her man’s needs at the risk of being deemed fake, or not good
enough.
Now the obvious arguments are, “What if she
is sick? Does she have to cook for him then? Does she have to spread her legs
open then?”
Those are relevant questions, but I have
more questions.
Can’t the man cook for himself? If he can’t
cook, shouldn’t he get off his lazy ass and learn to do it himself?
Shouldn’t he try to satisfy her too and not
just try to get his? After all, women could just turn the aphorism around and
say that he is not a real man because of it.
Why should the woman have to cook if she
just doesn’t feel like it? What if she just wants to lie in bed and relax? Seriously, if he is hungry and she wants to
relax, he should get up and make something to eat himself.
Why should she have to accommodate him
sexually, if quite frankly, she is not in the mood? If her man is horny, and
she doesn’t feel up to it, just spend fifteen more minutes in the shower; I am
certain she won’t mind.
What if she can’t cook? What if she hates
cooking? Surprise, surprise – not every female is adept in the kitchen, and not
every female likes cooking, though we do like eating. Wait. How did I get in
that last statement?
Shouldn’t she have a choice in the matter?
It is after all, her body and her mind.
The issue in question here, is the idea
that in order for a woman to be considered worthy, she must serve. A ‘real’
woman must please her man. It has nothing in that meme that suggests that she
is serving herself, other than pandering to the desire to be ‘real’. And that
is absurd. Why should a woman have to oblige someone else to feel a sense of
self? She should take care of herself to get that feeling.
The other scary part of this photo, are the
comments from women in accordance with the archaic concept of female
subjugation. Women once again, betray themselves. Women so desperate to get a
man and to keep him, that they are willing to subject themselves to his every
whim, to betray that sense of sisterhood and community that is so often sold to
us in popular culture.
Well, here’s an idea. A real man would not
be afraid to be with a real woman who does not pander to his every need, but
finds balance between his needs and desires, as well as her own. That type of man
is the one to aspire to be with when he unabashedly posts his well-balanced
thoughts on how women should treat him, and how he should treat them.
Never settle.
So, while I post these opinions, I am fully
aware of the snide comments that will arise from cynics and sexists alike.
Well, here’s my predetermined rebuttal to all of you. Your quips about kitchens
and sandwiches are neither funny, nor are they clever. You can try to convince
yourself, but we both know you were not original enough to come up with your
own sexist joke, but had to ride on the coattails (or mammoth fur?) of some other cave dweller’s
joke.
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